But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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