i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
