it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
