i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She even gives head with a lisp.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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