Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
