Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
