Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize