As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize