Just cropdusted the office
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize