He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize