I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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