don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
