I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
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