tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
