The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
