I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
