You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
