i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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