he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
