That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
