Cold hands, warm shart.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
