Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
