I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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