i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
