Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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