no, he came in my armpit
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
