On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize