walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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