Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
