I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
