we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
