the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize