i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
