I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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