My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
she pinky promised me she was 18
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
