Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
