im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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