So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
