I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
