i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
