Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
