IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
