nut hugger
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
