im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
