Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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