I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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