Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize