ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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