All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
