Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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