Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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