you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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