Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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