His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
