I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
