I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
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