A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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