Bisexual people are plain selfish.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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