Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
