look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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