Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
