I love black thongs
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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