Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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