This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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