Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
