Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
